Three days ago, I interviewed for a new position (see Long Overdue) and was surprised by how much experience and ability were side-tracked by charisma (rather, my lack thereof.) Well, with three days of perspective, I have come to the conclusion that many of the issues the interviewer focused on were not only old news, but spurred by jealousy and insecurity. That is not to say he was not right–my foibles are my own and I do have to compensate with my strengths while I work on bettering myself.
Instead, my view is the people the interviewer talked to, and who shared with him their concerns, were holding onto issues that I thought were resolved long ago. What a surprise to me that they were not, at least in some minds! Even so, it did cause me to do a lot more soul searching to evaluate the success and progress of my self-improvement journey, and for that, I am thankful. Because in it, I learned (or I dare say sheepishly, re-learned) a valuable insight that seems true for virtually any society. Stated simply,
Everybody loves a winner, until they win by a wide margin.
In other words, it’s okay to win, so long as you allow others to believe they have a chance at beating you. Where there is no competition, you become the target of the only weapon your peers have left … jealous and insecure sniping over whatever weaknesses you do have. And, like piranha, each dig may not in itself cause significant damage, but a large number of them can kill.
I subscribe to the idea that like the proverbial rising tide raising all boats, my helping others achieve will in the end benefit me just as much. So, while I may be in competition with some of my peers, I do try to help them succeed at whatever they think is important. Regrettably, some people view my offers to help as “acting superior,” or worse, actually believed I was trying to undermine their success.
In English, two negatives can make a positive, but two positives do not make a negative.
… yeah, right.
Competition does not mean that someone must lose, though that is the most common understanding. And it’s that most common belief that makes people question my sincerity in helping them. The reason is that I typically see the objectives or goals differently. For example, if the competition is to get the best score on a test, I will compete like everyone else. But because I view the goal as passing the test and scoring to the best of my ability, I can also help my competitors study. And the study time helps me assimilate the information so I can do better as well. Even so, trying to explain that to people usually invokes the reaction “… yeah, right” in attitude if not actual statements of disbelief.
No related quotes.
